This is a big topic in my opinion! I’ve had mixed feelings about it all my life, never sure what to think about it...am much clearer now. Well, below, is my take on the topic. I call it, a practice of embodying emotions. By giving this topic at least a bit of your attention, it can ease up sooo much stress and pressure from you. And on other hand, it can truly empower you greatly.
Have you ever heard the phrase, especially when you were younger…boys don’t cry, toughen up, man up, take it like a man! etc etc.
Yes, these kind of “encouragements” are good and healthy for a men’s evolution into a strong masculine personality, but they are just one side of the coin. What our environment didn’t tell us, is that it’s also very beneficial to express our feelings and emotions. Instead of bottling it up on every occasion. And it’s even more true for countries like UK I would say. I could give you some statistics here to draw a picture how damaging this cycle of supressing emotions is, but I guess you might have heard that somewhere already. Men are basically taking their lives because of what they were taught and see as a standard out there.
The main reasons we don’t give out what we feel are…”I’d be judged if I’d show my vulnerable side” “I’d lose confidence if I admit my shortcomings” “I will seem weak when I express my emotions” or a good and quite common one…”it’s not my fault, it’s you!” playing the blame game.
Anyway, there are myriad physical exercises that help to dissolve the stress from the body and mind. But more importantly, the notion of not trying to cover it up or distract yourself from it is the key. Stop for a moment, pause and feel into it and ask yourself “what is this, how does it serve me, what can I do with it, how do I change it, how do I express it and to whom if it’s needed?”
In general, men are less able to talk about their feelings, expressing emotion or seeking social support when they need it. But guys, it really is the way forward!
There was a time in my life when I was like a pressure cooker about to explode, full of internal damaging dialogues, full of shame, anger, fear, frustration and pity over myself. But of course, on the outside, I was “strong and happy”. This tension between my inner world and what I was projecting outside was only increasing my anxiety and my state of unease and confusion. At one point it manifested as illness, complete burn out, which further lead to loss of everything I cared for in my life, my relationships, my business etc etc.
How I see it form my own experience and from other guys I’ve met through various workshops, gatherings and group work.
A true man should not be afraid to cry. A true man should not be afraid to ask others to help them when they are in need. A man crying and talking about their feelings is not a weakness, it is bravery. Do not be scared to be brave.
From my work and my experience, the combination of two, the feeling into the emotion, embracing it, not running away from it AND the bodily expression of it is a perfect combo to resolve, release and let go of what is restricting the virile flow of life energy we all have available. So whatever bodily expression you choose, from shaking it out, dancing it out, beating the shit out of the sack, screaming it out, talking to either your male friends or therapist, whatever you choose, it can help you enormously to find this bottomless reservoir of energy and joy you truly have.
If you want some tools, techniques and advices on this topic, on how to work with strong or stuck emotions, check my course "The Supreme Lover". Click here to access the site for the course.